You Might Be A Yuppie Biker If:


If you drink cappuccino instead of beer
If you can't figure out why the battery on your new bike won't stay charged
If your trailer has more miles on it than your bike
If your leathers still have creases
If you don't ride your bike to work because it scuffs your penny loafers
If you move your bike and the grass is brown under the wheels
If your tattoos wash off
If you have doubled the weight of your bike with bolt on chrome
If you have never kick started a bike before
If you buy bikes as investments
If you wear a full face helmet
If you wear a full helmet

If you wear a half helmet

If you wear a helmet
If you wear earplugs
If you really believe that there are bikes that come customized from the factory
If the last time you went to the Harley dealer you came home with golf balls and a toilet seat
If your Harley shirt has a collar
If its not fun to ride unless someone sees you
If you don't ride in the rain
If you think the TV show "Renegade" is cool
If you can't find your oil filter
If you think any motorcycle is too loud
If your ponytail comes off with your cap
If you leave your garage door open just so people can see your bike
If you need a biker lingo book
If you're a HOG member and think you're an outlaw
If when you buy your bike you start calling everyone "Bro"
If you stop 30 miles from Sturgis to unload your bike so you can ride in
If you think the models in the catalogs are what bikers are suppose to look like
If you worry about what bikers are suppose to look like
If real bikers scare you
If you paint your office nick-name (like EasyRider or Bad-Ass) on your Bell open face helmet

If you paid for your new FXSTC in 24 months or less.
If you complained about the "smell and fumes" near the back of your last group ride.
If you won't ride unless it's a group ride.
If everyone on your last group ride works at your law firm, or plays golf with you.
If you've ever said "Isn't it too cold/wet/hot/dry/dark to ride?"
You carry a camcorder instead of a knife

If your saddlebags have a special pocket for your cell phone

You read this page & say hey I do that!
You put newspaper under your scoot to catch da drippings.
Bikers check out your scoot & say man dat boys got way to much money!
If your jeans are clean, in fact if any spot on you is clean.
You think fringe is a mandatory accessory on your leathers.
You try to look like a biker.
You try to act like a biker.
You've ever stopped at a red light & forgot to put a foot down (sober).
You run into the Bros & they say: "Hey lets go here", and you have to call home to check first.
You carry a phone just in case you MIGHT break down!
You think a chain is something you wear around your neck.
You think a missing link is a human race thing.
If bikers give you a nickname something like PUD and you think its cool.
If you read this page & get pissed!!!

You ride a Harley and drive a toyota.
You have ever ridden with a tie on.

You think a rigid is a hardon.

Your scariest biker experience was waiting for your nw bike financing to be approved.

The bank holds the title to your bike.

You think helmets actually protect your head.
You own a lap dog.
You bought a new Yamaha because you think "Hey, everyone will think its a Harley"

You carry a cell phone, a toothbrush, and fresh underwear in your tool bag.

You know you're a yuppie biker if you go to Sturgis, camp at Glencoe in a monster motorhome.

When people mention Easy Rider you remember your secretary getting bombed at the office xmas party.

If you don't know you're a yuppie biker

You have more different kinds of cycle polish than lubricants in your garage
You don't know who Sonny Barger is.
You refer to Harley-Davidson as "the motor company" or "the boys in Milwaukee"!