You Might Be A Biker If:


If your wife has ever asked you to move the bike so she could see the TV better.
If you have ever had to borrow a helmet for your date.
If you have ever left your wife at home so you would have room on the scoot for beer.
If you have ever bought saddlebags so you could carry more beer.
If you ever had the wife follow you in the car so she could bring even more beer!
If your best friends are named after reptiles.
If you own 26 black T-shirts.
If you consider Iron Horse deep reading.
If taking your wife on a cruise means a putt down the interstate.
If your best shoes have steel toes.
If you ever quit a job to go to Sturgis.
If you took a job to pay for the rest of your tattoo.
If you have ever had motorcycle parts in the dish washer.
If you have more than one peanut tank lying around the house.
If you use your bandana as a skull cap and a gas cap!
You wear everything leather (even your underwear!)
Your idea of jewelry is chains and barbwire.
You can ride a motorcycle and eat a weiner suspended above you on a hook at the same time.
You buy your 3-year old niece a Harley Davidson t-shirt.
You enjoy drinking out of human skulls.(private joke)
You have your bike tore apart in your living room.
Tattoos, tattoos, tattoos.
Sturgis is your dream vacation.
You have a friend named FROG.
You named your bike "Shania."
You write articles for IRON HORSE.

You can tell what kind of bugs are out by their taste.
You carry around a crushed can in case of soft asphalt
You know from painful experience why your wallet does not belong in your back pocket
You know you are a biker when it becomes apparent that your hair doesn't have a part.
If, after you've pulled your bike into the motel room, you use a guest towel to wipe it off...
If you think fine art is a David Mann centerfold stapled to the wall...
If you think anybody who hasn't been riding at least ten years is still a prospect..
If your scoot has a kick starter...
If you call an electric starter a "whimp button".
If you call anybody who doesn't ride a "citizen".
If you think a motorhome is a tent and sleeping bag on a Harley... (We call ours "Winebego-Davidson"!)
If you don't need a Harley t-shirt to look like a biker.
You just return home from a long trip and keep scootin right past your house.
You don't care if the weather is gonna clear.
You think a HARDTAIL is really just another piece of ass you can't get.
You think BLACK & ORANGE would make nice house colors.
You won't even own a cage or truck.
You think GOD invented winter for you to wrench.
Your idea of a poodle is a small Pitbull.
You cancelled your subscription to Playboy because the pix are too boring without scoots.
Your friends have to call before coming over so you can lock up the guard dogs.
You wake up in the middle of the night & worry about your scoot.
People know you're a biker even when you don't want them to.
You know how many teeth on your rear sprocket & how much torque for your head bolts.
You had reservations at the Gray Bar Hotel!
You are thinking up biker shit for this freakin page.
You have a name like Billy 5Speed!
Your children have an uncle named Animal, and a Godfather named Doc.
You puke off to the side of your bike, while ridin' 80 mph, just to keep up with the rest of the crew. (Kinda gross, but it can be done... just trust me on this, and get to the back of the pack first.)

If your p.j.'s have chains and spikes.
If your old lady wears a leather nightgown to bed.

You know in your heart that anyone in a cage is "out to get me."
If the only musclecar you'll own is an El Camino (funny how well a softail custom fits if you drop the tailgate.......)
If your buddy at the muffler shop's last words were "Sure I can weld up that hole in yer tank, wait here"
That oil spot on the garage is just the bikes way of "marking it's territory"
All of your children have either "Harley" or "Davidson" in their name
You own more Harley-Davidson t-shirts than underwear
Any day you can ride is a good day
You come home and curse the "god damned cagers"
You have to chant "Harley-Davidson, Vroom, Vroom" to go to sleep
You stare longer at the pictures of the bikes in Easyriders than the naked women
Your other vehicle is a truck
You don't go a day without wearing something that says "Harley Davidson"
If the weather is too bad for riding you start your bike and sit on it in the garage
Then first thing you said after you got hit by that car was "Where is my beer?"
You get hit by a car, break your leg in three places, then tell the nice police officer, "I'm fine I can ride home"
You think other motorcycle manufacturers should stick to making cars or whatever it is they do
It's not a really good party unless someone rides their bike into the bar and does donuts
You dream of owning a Harley dealership
Your 3-piece suit is Chaps, leather vest, leather jacket
Your garage has more square footage than Yer house
Your bird can repeat "This is the Police!" with uncanny accuracy
You have every episode of "Renegade" on tape
Every time you hear a vehicle with headers you look for a Harley
When you plan a vacation you set up time to visit the bike shops first
The Bike ramp is a permanent part of your truck
You have all the tools to work on every Harley ever made, but not any to work on your Sol' lady's car
It's impossible to see out of your trucks rear view mirror because of all the Harley stickers
You shot someone because he "dissed" your bike
Your house has a kickstand
You refer to your bike as if it had a legal first name
You have a heater in your garage so you can work on your bike when it's cold
You have a little piece of your bike that you take with you wherever you go
You have more pictures of your bike than your children
When people ask what you want for Christmas you take them to the Harley Store and point to the new Harley you have been drooling on And you say, "VRrrrr, Vrrrrr, VrooOOOOOooM!!"
Your Dad surprisingly shows up where you and your boyfriend are, on his Harley, he's packing heat, he growls at your boyfriend
If all the links on your web page are bike oriented
You live in the garage with the bike(s)
You think everyone elses' bike is shit!
If your coffee table collapes under the weight of all the motorcycle magazines on it
If you ever woke up with a new tattoo and you have no idea how it got there
IF you have ever thrown a party and more bikes than cars show up
If any piece of your furniture is a bike part
They celebrate your birthday at the Harley store
You have "Ammo" on your christmas list
Your ol' Lady has ever said "Come move this engine so I can take a bath!"
You think 'Helmet Hair' is a fashion statement
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event
Your dad encourages you to go to the Motorcycle Mechanics' Institute instead of college
You clean your nails with a pocket knife
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains
You fainted when you met Willy G.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people"
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoo
You've spent more on your motorcycle than your education
You've ever been arrested because of where you got your girlfriend roses
You think that the Harley-Davidson plant should be one of the 7-wonders of the world
If you try to declare your bike a dependent on your income taxes
Anyone who doesn't ride is just "ok"
After laying it down and looking at it wrecked you can't bring yourself to hit the kill switch

Try to convince your ol lady to change your anniversary date to the date you brought home the new bike !!