117 Ways to Dump Your Bike
from the rec.motorcycles newsgroup by Scott Harpster
1 Putting your foot into a hole when stopping.
2 Putting your foot down on something slippery when stopping.
Locking the front wheel during over-enthusiastic braking.
4 Missing the driveway and sliding on the grass.
5 Not putting the kickstand down when getting off.
6 Make a turn from stop in gravel or sand at high throttle.
Not putting a board ('foot') under the kickstand on asphalt on a hot day.
Letting over-enthusiastic people sit on your bike who have never been on
Forgetting the bike is in gear when you jump on the kickstarter.
Revving the engine, releasing clutch, and putting feet on pegs when the light
turns green, but the bike is in neutral.
11 Not putting your foot down when stopping at red light.
12 Losing balance when putting it on the centerstand.
13 Take an hour ride in 30 degree weather with no gloves, stop at a stop sign
and pop the clutch when you start because
you've lost feeling in your hands.
14 Putting your foot down at a toll booth on the thick layer of grease that
builds up when cars stop.
15 Using too much power when you pull out of a greasy toll booth.
16 Ignoring the sand that builds up in the spring at the side of the road
(in places where roads are sanded and salted in winter.)
17 Kicking your kickstand in a cool fashion and having it bounce back up instead
of staying down.
18 Getting off your bike while it is running and forgetting that is in gear.
19 Trying to kick start your first bike over and over because you didn't realize
that it was really out of fuel, and getting the goofy metal ring on the side
of your boot caught in the kickstarter, causing you (and the bike) to go over
on the right side.
20 Having your boot/jeans catch the gear-lever and putting your running bike into first gear whilst reaching for the side-stand (which is why I now automatically pull in the clutch whenever deploying or retracting the stand.)
21 Revving bike in impressive squidly fashion at red light, thinking it's in neutral; dropping clutch and standing in place while bike wheelies and backflips into intersection.
22 Having your fat-ass brother lean waaay over to the side to look at something on the ground while at a stop sign.
23 Passenger gets foot caught on saddlebag while getting on before you.
24 Bald tires, and a smatter of rain.
25 Look at the sand at the edge of the exit ramp rather than through the turn.
26 Neither you nor your dad watching while he's backing his car up to the woodpile to unload wood.
27 Park behind friend's mom's minivan figuring "If anybody goes anywhere, they'll surely see it. 'specially since there'll be 5 of them getting into the van.
28 After getting fuel at gas station and holding the bike level with your legs in order to fill it completely, jumping off forgetting that your legs were holding it upright not the kickstand.
29 Entering a DR ("decreasing radius") turn too fast. This is especially dangerous when making a right turn where if you attempt to straighten up and brake, you'll plow into oncoming traffic.
30 Riding too fast into a turn because your buddy made it through going that fast.
31 Getting your boot/ shoelace caught on the gearshift. (I wear laceless boots now.)
32 Attempting to kick start a cantankerous bike, whilst standing on a picnic table bench, and she *kicks* back!
33 Getting pissed off for dropping it in the first place, yanking it vigorously off the ground, only to have it drop to the other side.
34 Buying a bike that is too heavy for you to hold up and dropping it when it leans off balance.
35 Backing down an inclined driveway, turning to either side with a full tank of gas.
36 Taking the bike off the centerstand and forgetting the sidestand.
37 Riding on wet grass with street tires (Almost as bad as ice!!)
38 Riding on wet asphalt with dirt tires (Almost as bad as ice!!)
39 *Thinking* the kick stand was down when it wasn't.
40 Kick stand slowly burying itself in hot asphalt.
41 Kick stand slowly burying itself in soft ground.
42 Backing up perpendicular to a steeply sloped driveway and attempting to put your foot down on the downhill side while on a large bike with a high seat. (By the time your foot reaches the ground the bike is so far off center balance you won't be able to hold it up.)
43 Backing your bike down a plank, by yourself, from the bed of a pickup truck. Works great as long as you remember that once you start moving, stopping for any correction is out of the question. Get two people to stand on each side of you and the bike.
44 Losing your balance when coming to a stop because of fatigue from a long trip. The wind and the buzz of the bike induces an unexpected case of vertigo. Stop often and rest.
45 Riding beyond your limits while trying to keep up with someone who is probably riding beyond their own. Always a temptation. The best riders/racers understand and use discipline when riding.
46 Not paying attention. Always strive to anticipate what could possibly go wrong and be planning what you're going to do when it happens, eventually it will - and you'll be ready, instead of surprised when you're much more likely to do something stupid and reactionary.
47 Assuming that all wet roads are created equal. They are much more slippery when it first starts to rain - until the oil and dirt are washed away.
48 Assuming that the condition of a blind corner is the same as it was the last time you rode it. Instead you find sticks, road kill, oil, rain wash, stones, pot holes, garbage, etc.
49 Not understanding how to get set-up for a corner when pushing the limits. In most cases the bike could have made the corner but the rider decided it couldn't and while in a panic attempted to correct the situation with the brake. WRONG! MSF course will discuss this at length.
50 Riding without all of the protective equipment because I forgot to bring it and after all it was just this one time. Turned out to be the wrong time!
51 Using a little too much power turning the first corner after you've put on new tires (with that nice slippery release compound on them).
52 Being too short for the bike you're riding, and coming to a stop sign.
53 Your rider hops on before you are ready.
54 Pushing your bike into the garage and letting it get leaned just a little away from you, pulling you on top of it to the ground.
55 Pulling off both fork caps while the bike is on its centerstand.
56 Park pointing downhill, don't leave it in gear.
57 Park with sidestand facing up hill, sidestand is too long.
58 Allow friend to ride bike that has either no riding experience, or only tiny dirt bike riding experience (they will wheelie out of control, fly straight at the nearest object, or drop it attempting to stop suddenly.)
59 Pulling into Dairy Queen and slipping on a spilt chocolate malt.
60 Sitting on your bike on an inclined driveway talking to a very pretty girl, forgetting where in the hell your mind is and then noticing that it's already too close to the ground to stop.
61 Change rear-end oil on a shaft drive bike, spill 90w on tire, don't clean it up and then make a really sharp turn out of the driveway. *Splat*
62 Parking your bike so that it stands upright with the kickstand down and then having a slow leak in the rear tire which causes the kickstand to push the bike over.
63 Running into a bus after a 120mph+ high speed chase where there is helicopter pursuit and you are being taped by 5 local news stations. (Saw this one on REAL-TV)
64 Spending 3 hours washing and waxing your bike and then stepping back to admire it with some buddies and then watch it fall right off its side stand while it was warming up.
65 Pushing it over because you are mad at it.
66 Covering it with a windsail (aka canvas cover) and letting the wind push it over.
67 Unbolting too many components from the back so that the bike falls off the jack.
68 Having an internally rusted center stand come apart whilst putting the bike onto it.
69 Discovering when you stop and try to put your foot down that the kickstart lever is up your pant leg.
70 Letting someone else drive the bike and having them stall it on an inclined driveway while in a 45 degree angle to the incline.
71 Entering a banked freeway onramp with a stoplight at the end, and realizing a little too late that the downside is just a _little_ steeper than you thought.
72 Cracking the throttle open on the highway when you think there's no cop around then slowing to normal speed again only to realize that a trooper has been trying to catch up with you for two miles and he's pissed so he decides to run you off the road because he thinks you were trying to run away from him, even though you explain to him that if you were trying to run that he wouldn't have caught you then getting out of any ticket because *@!!$#, uh I mean cop, felt bad even though he never said "I'm sorry" .